This post will be as short as the silence on Isaac's monitor...he has already been sleeping for 3 hours (bless him) and I won't bank on more than 5 minutes before he starts singing to his blankets.
Doug, Isaac, and I have been sick for more than a week. We've had a stomach bug that just won't let up. We had it all through the Bowen family reunion and tried not to get people sick (so far, no other casualties!) Doug says he feels better today, so we'll see if he can really kick this thing--I'm still uncomfortable, but I have more energy. Isaac is a chronic pooper and I wouldn't trust him near a pool:).
Being sick reminds me of morning sickness (which many of us know is poorly named--I was miserable 24/7 for three months and moderately miserable for the next several weeks). The problem with morning sickness is how long it lasts. If you knew you'd feel better in a day or two, you could deal with anything. But without knowing how long the pain, discomfort, misery, and fatigue will last, morning sickness is a bleak, black abyss.
This stomach bug has become a little like that--every day, we've been sure that we were almost through it, but every day has been uncomfortable. So I start to worry that maybe I'm entering the "heartburn" stage of pregnancy--one that I didn't have last pregnancy. What if this is how it will be for the next 3 1/2 months? And then Doug and Isaac act sick and I hope this is all just fleeting for us all.
Another thought: what are we all thinking having kids? Sure, my family is the most exquisite thing in my life and I can't imagine life without Doug and Isaac (like my friend Yolanda says, her spouse glues her to happiness), but isn't it crazy that we subject ourselves to what we know will deprive us of personal freedom?
I can't just lie down and sleep through being sick because of Isaac. I won't be able to sleep during Isaac's nap times when I have little Lucy. So why subject myself?
And the answers are the best in the world: something greater and better than my normal self propels me to have and raise kids. My best self is in tune with what is right and what brings joy, and that best self has always been the one who made the really important decisions. I don't always do the right thing, but I'm so glad that I've got my whole life to work on doing the best things.
And Isaac's awake:).
2 comments:
You are amazing, and I too know the blessings from being selfless are wonderful, even though its hard too! What a good momma you are!
Love you!
Sister Parker
You are so cute!! I must admit, I love reading your posts. Maybe it is because I find myself feeling the same way a lot. You must be one amazing wife and mom because I look at you and all you accomplish, and I only hope I can better myself. It is good to see that we can be better. Kids do bring so much joy and happiness and I think that most of our joys and blessings will come even in the longer run. How sad to be old and not have kids to come see you and tell you they love you. The Lord truly knows not only what is best for us now but our future also. Thanks for writing that post! It put a smile on my face :)
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