I just read a book called "What Husbands Expect of Wives" by Brent Barlow (see my assessment in my book list) and I was intrigued by a section on weight. Pulling from another book called "Getting to Know the Real You" by Ellsworth and Ellsworth, Barlow asserts that we 1) do the wrong thing for the wrong reason, 2) do the right thing for the wrong reason or 3) do the right thing for the right reason.
Tying this to weight management, Barlow says some of us try to be thin and (think we are therefore) hot so we can be accepted and praised and we'll do anything to achieve this, including starving ourselves, binging, etc. Others will try to have smaller portions and focus on eating healthy foods but we do it to look hot and gain approval. Those on the right track eat healthy foods and treat their bodies well because their bodies are temples for their spirits and they want to treat them well.
I have seen people who try to be good to their bodies for the right reasons, and I tend more toward wanting to eat healthily to look and feel good. In short, I care too much about the temporal, worldly things. I think I look better at a lower weight, and therefore feel uncomfortable with myself when I eat a ton of food and gain weight. How do I correct my perceptions? I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I think this is an important subject, and while I don't want a lecture from anyone (who wants to be lectured about something they're sensitive about?!), I like hearing what other people do.
And I captured a few of the fun moments I had during a long weekend in Utah. Doug and I went to Utah on Friday; had a birthday party for our kids on Halloween at my mom's house; went trick-or-treating; saw lots of family; Doug went back to Utah on Sunday; my mom, Peanut, and I took our kids to the zoo Monday; did stroller rides, racquetball, and made cinnamon rolls on Tuesday; and Peanut drove me back to Pocatello on Wednesday.
8 comments:
Dear Tara, I guess I'm always surprised to read that you feel sensitive and worried about this because you have always been one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. I'm not a great one for this topic because I enjoy food a leeetle too much, but I would say that the times that I have felt best about my body are definitely the times that I have been eating healthily because it makes me feel happy, and also when I have given myself leave to also occasionally indulge without even thinking a single bad thought about it because I knew overall I was doing good. I'll be interested to read what your other pals say.
No offense, Tara, but I don't think the problem is your reasons for wanting to get in shape. I think the problem is: Why on EARTH did you read a book entitled "What Husbands Expect From Wives???!!!" It seems no good can come from it if you are already feeling guilty about your motivations about one subject or another. You can guess my other reasons for not liking it based on the cover, so I will go no further on that subject. Also, I worked with girls with eating disorders for a while, and a lot of the time, EDs are much more complex than wanting to be hot and gain approval of a husband. There's a lot of problems with a feeling of helplessness, lack of control in one's life, a bad relationship with food in general, and a myriad of other things. Sorry...I think that was a backdoor lash out at the book, and I shouldn't do that, because I haven't read it. Sorry. Anyway, I say that it's okay to want to feel beautiful. If that's the thing that gets us out the door to go for a run, that's okay. I admit I completely feel this way, and I love it when Decker notices I've been exercising. I don't think that makes either of us worldly and less worthy than the next girl. Then, the fact that I feel stronger and more energetic is the thing that keeps me going. I think the big problem is the guilt we put on ourselves.
First of all, don't hold your breath about seeing pics of my apartment any time soon. I'll get around to it but that means I'd have to actually clean my house first!
Secondly, I've have found from personal experience that I am most happiest and successful in achieving weight goals when I'm motivated by just feeling good and healthy. I have found if I have any other motivation (i.e. going to the beach at Christmas - which I am), I'm much quicker to get discouraged or gain weight instead of lose it. I'm obviously not the poster girl for successful weight loss but that's what I find is healthiest (physically and emotionally) for ME.
The trick is remembering that and not comparing my size to others!! How to maintain that perspective is my question?
Thanks for the feedback so far (especially for your sweet compliment, Jenn!). I read parts of your comments out loud to Doug and, Christine, you better believe he started laughing when I read your opening line!
I got the book at Doug's old house--every book was free game, and this was one of many I snagged. I started reading it because my brother's girlfriend started reading the "juicy" parts when she stayed at our house a couple weekends ago, and I wanted to devote some more time to thinking about my husband.
Two of the ideas I'm walking away with are regarding guilt and healthy=happy. Guilt stinks and I do feel happier when I'm being healthy.
For example, I got ticked off at Doug this morning because he went to the store to get black plastic bags...and came back with $32 of (unneccesary?) merchandise. After letting him know how I felt about it, I raked some leaves and ran and now I'm happy.:)
Also, I don't want to give offence with this topic. So no one be offended, please.
Sounds like a book that makes you think about motives. Sorry but I definately agree with what he says. You probably thought I would:) Your definately not alone. I feel better when I eat healthy and exercise and sometimes I for sure do it because of the thinness factor. I try to do it because I know its just better to be healthy and love my body no matter what. I am in the habit of praying everynight that I will see myself as God sees me. That has helped me a ton. Thanks for your posts. They always spur such fun discussions.
Wish I could be with you guys. Looks like you had so much fun! And I heard a rumor about Marhsall. Any truth to it?
I came back to read what your other wise friends had to say and read your comment and thought to re-read my comment and also thought that maybe my comment came across as sounding weird. So this is my second draft. When I wrote my first comment, I was thinking back to two things. 1. I was thinking back to a conversation we once had when you came back from a dance feeling discouraged. Do you remember that? I remember being so surprised that you felt lesser than anyone in any way because I assumed that anyone that I thought was pretty must know innately that they are pretty. It taught me kind of a valuable lesson about the fact that we are often unaware of things about ourselves, and also that even the girls we consider pretty, thin, and awesome have some self doubt as well. Obvious maybe, but interesting. 2. I thought about another person that I had a similar experience with, my mtc comp. I thought she was so beautiful when I first met her and I was nervous to be her comp. because I thought she would be one of those aloof girls who knew they were beautiful. But she reminded me a lot of you--funny, caring, and totally unaware of how pretty she was. I think that's why I loved that comp. and you so much as my friends, because my perception of how she would be was wrong, and really her self perception of herself was kind of off, but in a self-deprecatingly charming sort of way. Okay, this is a long rambling post. But I thought maybe all of your other commenters might be done and not read this embarassingly long comment. Basically what I'm trying to say here is that maybe a little self-doubt is a healthy thing because it keeps us from being snobby, but maybe a little self confidence is healthy too because it helps us to go back to church dances. love ya
I know you would never guess, but I have had many of the same thoughts regarding myself. :) I want to be thin for the confidence/attractiveness factor reasons and also to be healthy. Over the last few years the balance has been starting to shift more toward the "healthy" reasons but the others are definitely there. I don't feel like its a bad thing to want to look your best. We are taught to seek for loveliness. I think obsessing over it can be a negative (which none us has ever done I am sure!) and so that is where I need to be careful. I definitely don't have this figured out yet but a few things that I have found to be helpful to me are 1) as I learn more about nutrition and wholesome eating, it helps me want to be more healthy, rather than simply to just weigh less. 2) As I have found more YUMMY healthy foods its much easier to feel like I am just being healthy rather than depriving myself for weights sake. One of my favorites is fruit smoothies. After about a year of experimenting with different combos, I've come up with some really yummy easy healthy recipes that am happy to eat every day and don't feel like I am sacrificing one bit. I eat smoothies almost every day for breakfast and often as a late evening snack. 3) As with anything, its easier once you get into some good habits like snacking on fruit or exercising everyday. FYI, I am NOT doing good in this department at the current moment. With the move and other busyness all of my good habits with eating and exercise have gone out the window. :)
I really liked Jens comments on the self doubt and self confidence balance--very insightful!
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