Musings in March on the Warmest Day Yet!

Yes, it his 60 degrees here today. And yes, I went on two walks to celebrate this glorious event. It really was lovely. It's about to get cold again, but this was great.

Lucy worked so hard on her animal project. She needed to write a lot of facts about monkeys and she needed to create a diorama. I didn't want to spend money on the project, so we painted the back and sides and Lucy make the trees and vines and sun and monkey (which I cut out). I was so proud of her! Several of her friends had more polished looking projects because their parents had gone to stores and bought animals and trees and printed out pictures to put all over the dioramas. But Lucy did almost all of this by herself, and I couldn't be prouder.

Brooklyn had her first day back in dance class on St. Patrick's Day, so we honored the day by having her wear green hair ties and tights with green on them. She was so excited to be back in class. Jenn Simpson teaches the class, and took a break when she was expecting a baby. Now, she's back. The price went up a bit (from $10 in the fall to $25 now) but it is still worth it. Brooklyn dances with all her little friends from church and preschool.

To celebrate St. Patrick's Day, I decided to make some effort. I made corned beef, cabbage and potatoes in the slow cooker, let the kids eat Lucky Charms (which I never buy because they're so sugary), and I made Irish Soda bread, which was really good, but I ate most of it. I knew I'd be the most enthusiastic eater,  and I definitely was, but I'm still glad I did it. I like celebrating holidays!

Doug and I are "training" for the Color Vibe 5K on June 4th. Doug, Brian Eggleston, and Derik Nielsen have been carrying on hilarious texting threads about their training efforts. These efforts include eating donuts, big breakfasts at McDonald's, only running for about a mile and a half instead of three, and making people laugh as they run by at snail pace. So Doug ran as fast as he could on Saturday doing a 5k, took a picture of his watch, and then collapsed on the floor for maybe 20 minutes. I took this picture of him to capture the experience.

I am so proud that he's running. The man worked out twice this week!!!!!!!

 

Some things this week were tough. We went to a party on Saturday night at the Nielsen's house, and one of the girls there was just beautiful. I felt dumpy and unattractive by comparison, and prepped myself for a pity party. Doug was a champion and talked me through my feelings.

We realized that we have let a lot of our confidence stem from our sports accomplishments, our looks, and intelligence, when Heavenly Father really looks at our hearts, and our efforts to serve Him with everything we have. The people we most admire aren't incredible because they look good or run fast, but because of who they are, and who they inspire us to become.

Doug gave an incredible talk as a high counselor today in another ward about Carmen Rindfleisch and Mindy Evans, and what they demonstrate about losing our lives for God's sake.

Here are Carmen's Lessons from Stage 4 Cancer:

Lessons from Cancer

After I was first diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer on August 19th 2015, naturally, the question Why came to mind.  I had always enjoyed good health. I had barely heard of colon cancer.  Colonoscopies aren't even scheduled for people until they reach 50, and I was only 38.  How could a life- threatening cancer have spread in my body without me even knowing?  Why would I have to come to terms with my own mortality when I had a lot of life's work left- mainly raising my 2 girls- ages 7 and 4. 

The answers to these questions haven't yet come.  All the doctors have been able to tell me is that I have incredibly bad luck, as such a diagnosis is rare for my age, and that even though I have no family history of colon cancer, I may have a genetic pre-disposition. Still, could I have eaten more healthy, or had I somehow brought this on through negative thoughts? As the question why recurred in my mind, a scripture which had impressed me in my MTC welfare seminar was brought to my remembrance.  When Christ's disciples asked him if a man was born blind by his own sin or that of his parents, He answered, "neither hath this man sinned nor his parents, but that the works of God should be made manifest in him" (John 9:3).

Although dealing with a sudden advanced cancer diagnosis is a life crisis, I can say that I have truly seen the works of God manifest in my life.  Here are a few lessons I have learned:

• The power of the priesthood for men to act in God's name is real.  I have had priesthood blessings nearly weekly since my diagnosis, and I have been blessed that the chemotherapy would effectively fight my cancer but that side effects would be minimal.  This has come to pass.  The tumors have shrunk enough for surgery and chemo only knocks me down for a couple of days at a time.

• Direction and peace through the Holy Ghost are always available. At diagnosis, my healthcare provider was Kaiser.  We decided to go to UC San Diego to Moores Cancer Center for a 2nd opinion.  We liked UCSD and wanted to be in their care, but needed to wait until we could switch our insurance at the first of the year.  UCSD assured us that my chemotherapy treatment with Kaiser, known as Folfox was the first standard of care.  After my first chemo treatment, the 2nd opinion doctor called with a special recommendation, to increase my treatment from Folfox to Folfoxiri, which meant the addition of one more toxic drug.  When I discussed this option with my Kaiser oncologist, she went over all the harmful side effects, and said that it may not improve my chances anyway.  I was now faced with a difficult decision that I had to make quickly.  Should I risk torturing myself with a more aggressive treatment when I might not even get a good outcome?  Fear and panic overcame me as I wondered what to do.  Fortunately, I was able to speak with my stake president that evening.  He kindly reminded me that I was entitled to receive inspiration from the Spirit.  I could find some quiet time to study the scriptures, make an informed decision to which direction I wanted to proceed, go to a quiet place and then ask the Lord if my decision was correct.  If it wasn't He'd let me know.  So I took this advice.  As I thought through the situation, it occurred to me that the UCSD doctor went out of his way to recommend the upped treatment.  He didn't need to think twice about me, as I wasn't his current patient.  The UCSD doctors were also scientists devoted to research, and had higher credentials than the Kaiser doctors.  After I prayed about my decision to move forward with the upped treatment, a peaceful feeling enveloped me.  I believe the decision to move forward with the upped folfoxiri treatment has resulted in my tumors shrinking enough for a surgical chance for a cure- the surgery which is happening March 15th.  And the horrible side effects threatened never happened!

• Angels are among us in unexpected places. The day after I received the confirmation to move forward with the upped treatment, an acquaintance came to visit me.  This was a woman who I knew from the school, an unlikely friend who was a single mom and a chain smoker.  I sometimes drove her daughter to school.  She brought with her a shawl that had been hand knitted from a Baptist congregation in Delaware.  I felt that the shawl was symbolic of the comforting presence of the Holy Ghost, at a time I needed it the most. I've also seen the light of Christ in people of all faiths.

• Adversity can lead to an increased measure of joy. As we've studied the Book of Mormon in Gospel doctrine this year, I've had the opportunity to reflect on the effects of The Fall -- of opposition in all things.  I've learned to ex out chemo days on my calendar, and to treasure my healthy days and view them as a gift.  As I've tasted some bitter days, the sweet days are even sweeter, and I've found great joy in simple things such as being with my children, watching their dance practices, laughing with my husband, and spending time with friends.  

• Christ will succor us in our time of need (Alma 7:11-12).  Elder Holland once pointed out that the word succor means to "run to." Spencer W. Kimball said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom.”  Through this trial, I have been succored through the Christ-like service of countless good people, in and outside of the Church.  My friend set up a meal train and members of the community, some of whom I hadn't met signed up for meals for 4 consecutive months.  Neighbors and ward members have taken my kids, given them rides, cleaned my house, sent care packages, cards, and countless encouraging text messages.  My friends at BYU-I have been among those who have showered me with loving kindness.  Relatives, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers have provided generous donations so that our soaring medical bills haven't overwhelmed us. We have received all the help we have needed without even having to ask.

• A Fellowship of Suffering:  When I spoke with my stake president, he shared that he believes that those afflicted with cancer belong to a unique "fellowship of suffering" (Philippians 3:10).  Through this experience, others have felt they could confide in me about their trials, and my awareness has been sharpened.  I feel that we are all in a fellowship of suffering.  No matter how perfect another's life may seem, everyone has a Goliath to conquer. If we are more honest with one another, we can serve each other better.

• We are all children of our Heavenly Father, and have divine nature which makes us want to do good.  I feel that this experience has brightened my perspective. It feels like I have been given a pair of glasses which allows me to see brighter colors.  I have been able to see divinity in others.  Even though watching the presidential debates makes me sometimes feel that the acopolypse is must be nigh, I still think the world is glorious.  There is no reason to be cynical.  There is always hope, healing, and a promise of a better tomorrow.

I know that "whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, troubles, and afflictions" (Alma 36:3), and that if we don't harden our hearts, our afflictions can be consecrated for our good (D&C 122). This cancer journey that I am on is indefinite right now, but I have a lot of hope that good things are to come.  I'm so grateful for all the support I've felt through my dear friends here in our BYU-I community.  Even though I haven't been able to teach for a couple of semesters, I feel the Spirit of Ricks actively present in my life.