My Loves

I want to write a few things down now even though I'm sweaty and desperately need a shower and a change of clothes. First of all, I pride myself on being honest--on being "real." Pride is a dangerous thing, but I really care about being sincere so people don't write off what I say.

Motherhood can be so hard. When Isaac and Lucy are fighting and want me to mediate, and Brooklyn is crying because I put her down, and I'm trying to herd everyone into the car, the many desperate needs pulling at me make me feel a little crazy. I sometimes yell at my oldest kids (not Brooklyn:)), and I use a stern voice as a tool to get good behavior. My kids get sent to time out on a fairly regular basis, and I feel so unequal to the task of preparing my children for earthly life and eternal life. Ask my sister, who I call when I'm feeling down about my abilities as a mother.

But like President Hinckley says regarding marriage, the brilliant vistas on the bumpy ride of parenthood are incredible. Here are some vistas with my loved ones:

Brooklyn: She is three months and a week old, and she is my precious darling. I love singing "I love to see the Temple" to her, softly, as I get her ready for bed and she beams at me with her deep right dimple. I love her little rolls, her little pony tail on the top of her head, her soft skin, and her dark blue eyes. Today, she woke up from a nap just as I was falling asleep, so I brought her over to my bed and nursed her. We slept for an hour together like that, cuddled up and perfectly content. I have had such a cynical view of breastfeeding for the past few years (complaining that I feel like a cow), but I am so grateful for the precious cuddling with my darling baby. I love knowing that she needs me and loves me. She has brought sunshine to my soul since the first time I saw her on ultrasound, then felt her kick and hiccup...but she sealed the deal when she came 10 days ahead of her due date. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I got incredibly lucky when I got my sweet Brooklyn. Having her was an incredible choice.

Lucy: Also known as the queen of sass, Lucy is amazing at sulking, pouting, yelling, "That's MINE!" as she yanks toys away from Isaac, and refusing to do what we ask her to do. We balance carrots and sticks, searching for what will work with this little girl. For example, she is just beginning potty training, and this is what we're doing with her: Every time she pees in the toilet, she gets cookies (she picked them at the grocery store), nutter butters, and a sticker on her Princess Aurora chart. When she fills up the whole Princess Aurora chart, she gets a special toy--which we prominently display on top of the fridge--which includes Princess Aurora, Prince Phillip, a carriage, a squirrel, and 5 outfit changes for Princess Aurora. We have never spent $20 on a toy before, but we did it with Lucy. The best part of our potty training technique is that we've told Lucy she can share cookies after she goes potty. She lets Isaac have cookies after she goes potty, and it makes the whole event a celebration. She went two times today, and they were the first times in her life. We know it won't be a breeze to potty train her because she is so strong-willed. But we know her better than anyone else, and we're hoping we can help her achieve this huge accomplishment in the next few days/weeks (please not months!!!!!!!!). The other side of Lucy is angelic, by the way. She can be so gentle with me and with Brooklyn, and she likes to help Isaac out when he is having a hard time. She'll give him pushes on his bike, or talk with him when he's sad about something (like being told he can't have fruit snacks.) She has a nurturing instinct that I hope can stay there, even with that strong personality.

Isaac: I have been so proud of this little boy. My mom talks about his anxiety (undiagnosed, but a strong Bowen trait), and about how I deal with it so well, but it worries me. I want him to be joyful, and I hate seeing the bumps along his road. He is so happy and excited about life--about all the animals in the zoo, about the toys he chooses to sleep with at night, about the shows we watch (He seriously jumped up and down for at least an hour watching Toy Story tonight), and about the whole wide world around him. Today, for example, he asked to see pictures of ears on the internet, so he could better understand them. We identified each of the parts of the ear, and I recited their names. His latest joy has been swimming in the pool. He wears a life jacket and swims all over the pool. He also loves jumping in, doing funny things before he hits the water. He is fearless about going under the water, and seems like he'll do really well in swim lessons in the future. He has also been riding "his" bike for the past few weeks, and is doing better with it. He says he'd rather run or walk, but he has been proud of his own progress, and looks forward to getting a bigger bike (he's borrowing a hand-me-down that's covered in princesses!). My heart is in my throat as I watch him play with his new friends in the neighborhood. I want them to like him, and I worry that they won't because he isn't more go-with-the-flow. The kids stopped playing lazer tag a few days ago, switching to something else, and Isaac came over to the grown ups, announcing that his friends didn't want to play with him anymore, when all they'd said was they wanted to play a new game. Isaac will adjust to social circumstances as he start preschool next week, and I'll keep praying for him to have fun with his friends and learn good things from them.

And my sweet spouse, Doug: It has been so nice to live close to where Doug works. We get to hang out in the morning and at night and revel in our extra time together. I know, I know, writing on my blog is not exactly reveling in my time with Doug, but we'll hang out after I take that much needed shower. It has been fun to take the kids to the pool as a family, to do stroller rides as a family, and to read books together at night. Doug's reading "A Tale of Two Cities" and I'm reading "Moby Dick." Aren't we posh? Doug has also been reading a nutrition book and I've been studying my "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book, and we're passing information to each other back and forth. We have been trying to be healthier, and that's been a good thing. Bottom line--I picked the best person on earth to be my spouse.

I am my own hero, with a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a baby. And, as Superman said so well, in his sissy, whiny voice, "It's not easy...to be me." But I sure get paid for my hard work, and I love it when " my cup runneth over."

Love,
The Sweaty Mom