Doom and Gloom

I've come here to organize my frustrated thoughts. Life has been too busy and too stressful. Here's why:

1) Potty training. Brooklyn's actually doing a great job, but this is never a painless operation, and it adds stress to life. I started training her a week after her birthday, and I am very proud of her. Going to the cabin last weekend and having babysitters watch her for two days this week actually didn't ruin the whole thing. She has done well. But Brooklyn's 3-year-old irrational personality also makes life harder (like having a tantrum at swim lessons because she wants to use one restroom instead of the other--have you ever tried to discipline a 3-year-old in a pool facility, lugging around your 3 1/2 month old who is (thankfully!) being perfect?)

2) A BYU-I conference: I attended it this past week and it was incredible. BYU-I brings out the best in me, and I loved the conference. I brought Cason with me and he was perfect. People thought the stroller I brought everywhere was just a talking point because I never had to take Cason out except to nurse him and change him. He just slept and smiled at me. I love being at BYU-Idaho. I probably opened doors for myself just twice because the rest of the time, students and teachers were eager to help me out.

3) Doug's job. This has been a stress for a year now. Doug doesn't know how long he'll stay there, and Idaho Falls isn't a booming economy, where he could potentially join up with other firms. He has done his research, made phone calls and inquiries, gone to lunch with people, talked with the members of his firm. We just don't have a clear picture of what will happen for him professionally, which means we don't have aclear picture of where we'll even be a few months from now. We'll go wherever he has a job, and it breaks my heart to think that may be somewhere else.

4) Our house in Pocatello. Our renters, who have been in our home for three years, just let us know that they are moving within the month, so we have now put our house on Craigslist, met with a realtor, realized that there will be no way to break even on our home if we use a realtor thanks to the terrible economy, and I am horror-stricken at the idea of renting out again. I want to be completely done with this house in Pocatello, and I'm praying hard for a buyer to take it. Our house in Pocatello has been one of the worst things we have ever experienced. Buying the house because of the Obama housing incentive, and then paying back the $8,000 because our realtor gave us false information about prorating was awful, as was showing our house constantly for 5 months when I was enormously pregnant and then right after I had a newborn. Getting offers on the house that would put us $10,000 in the hole was terrible, and now trying to figure out what to do with the house at this point is terrible too.

5) My job. I love working for BYU-Idaho, but it is demanding, particularly the part where I oversee other online teachers. I deal with students complaints about my fellow teachers, and teacher complaints about students, and it is all very time consuming. I start a new evaluation training sessions this next Monday, where I assess people who want to be hired by BYU-I. It means I need to be discerning and close to the spirit, and it also means I will be very, very busy.

6) My body. I have been trying to lose my baby weight by counting calories, and I have had some success. But I went to the pool with my family today and didn't love how I looked in a bathing suit. 

7) Routines. We don't have one, despite my best efforts, and I hope to find a routine that allows me two hours to work in the afternoon. When I don't get that, it means I ignore my husband at night and have absolutely no down time. I also cherish having time to run, and it has been hard to find that time lately.

There is just too much going on. Swim lessons, summer reading, work, work stress, home stress, future stress. I feel like I won't be painting an accurate picture without highlighting a few positive things going for us:

We're healthy. We love each other. Isaac jumped off the diving board for the first time today. I am earning my Young Women Recognition award this Sunday for completing challenges in my Personal Progress book. I worked incredibly hard to earn this award, and it is my first time earning it. I am on track with all of my grading and other work responsibilities, and I love my colleagues and students. I am applying for an advanced English class I want, and that's something to feel hopeful about. I've been a member missionary, and I've worked hard to be a good friend. I love the gorgeous weather. I love that the kids have fun playing outside with neighborhood kids. I like the book I am reading called "The Accidental Tourist." God lives and loves me. The Savior will heal my wounded heart and soul.

So things will work out.