I haven't posted for a while, so I decided to share something I just wrote. In my English class, students are describing their important beliefs and how their beliefs have affected their lives. So here is one of my core beliefs, fresh off the presses:
Anyone could have walked by and witnessed my private, intensely personal song and conversation. I was on a sand volleyball court in Charlottesville, Virginia, singing "A Child's Prayer" to a God who felt too quiet.
I was 14 years old, and I had just watched a young man named Jamie cry as he recited a dialogue he had created during our UVA writing camp. The dialogue was between his parents, and it was so painful. Their language was cruel, calculated to stab, to fester. It was bad enough that such hurtful language existed in the world, but I hated that Jamie had to be raised by it.
Jamie's friends clustered around him at the end of the recitation, and I bolted to the volleyball court to beg my Father in Heaven for some answers. Did he love Jamie? Would he watch over him? Did God love me too?
That night, I learned that God cared and I've known that ever since. I felt a portion of His love for Jamie, and I felt "gather[ed] as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings," (3 Nephi 10:6). I'll never forget it.
I've needed to feel my Father in Heaven's love at specific times since that experience, but I could never say "I've never felt your love." I could only beg to feel it again.
Once on my mission, I received a letter from the man I thought I would marry. He informed me that he was dating someone else and was going to do what he felt was right. I fell to my knees by my bed, and felt God's love as my whole future seemed to shatter. "I know you're there," I managed. And He gathered me up and helped me love His children--as a missionary, then as a teacher, then as a wife, and a mother.
What beliefs have made all the difference for you?
2 comments:
You express yourself so beautifully-- you always have. Your cherished belief is one that I also cherish. I also know that God gives us what we need when we need it. That's one that I try to learn on a daily basis because I prefer getting what I want versus what I need. But trusting that it will all work out somehow has saved my sanity many times.
I loved your entry. Thanks for sharing your most special moments with us. And thank you for crying when I dance:)
Post a Comment