We're Committed! And I am Working on Being a Better Mother

Doug accepted an offer to work as an associate in a firm called Smith, Driscoll, and Associates in Idaho Falls. It is three blocks from his current job, and it feels like it will be a great move. Doug has wanted to move into the private sector, and now he gets to. He's excited, and I hope this will be a good experience for everyone.

I seriously think we're in a competition with our past to see which year will provide the most changes and excitement. It will be fun to write our Valentine next month, because there's a lot to say, as always.

The last thing I want to write is that I have felt like a failure as a parent, and as an individual, of late. Isaac is sometimes sneaky and dishonest, and it is frustrating. Example: I told him he needed to clean his room last night, and then he heard his daddy come home. While I turned my back, he began sneaking toward the stairs. When asked why he did that, he said, "I thought you meant I should clean downstairs." He also ignores my directions, like when I tell him to put clothes on so we can go. He'll continue to read or play with toys, and only spring into action when I come back and see that he hasn't done what I asked--and use my stern voice. He routinely "forgets" to flush the toilet, wash his hands, and turn off the bathroom light. That mantra has lasted throughout his whole potty-trained career, and yet he still "forgets" constantly.

Lucy whines and fusses like a champ when she doesn't get what she wants, and she can make life miserable for everyone. For example, she has been testing our limits at bedtime for the past month, asking for last minute things, like that I shut her closet all the way, or tuck her blankets back in, or she needs to go potty, etc. When the needs haven't been met, she has commenced wailing. I am happy to report that she has been wail-free in her room for three days now, thanks to my decision to say, "I will see you when the sun comes up. If you cry and fuss, and pound on the door, you will not get to wear your Cinderella dress tomorrow. If you are nice and quiet, you will get to wear your princess dress!" That has worked.

Brooklyn is the easy one. She is such a joyful little thing. We think she laughs with angels, because she'll look at a blank wall and just begin cracking up. It is particularly, um, terrific, when I'm trying to nurse her. She still does not consistently sleep through the night, but I have so much on my plate that I am accepting the 5:30 am wake-ups to nurse and go back to bed, and I'll deal with it when I have more energy. She slept through the night three times this week, and then reverted back when a baby-sitter put her down. I can blame the circumstances, but I really just hope she'll "grow out of it" like my friends' babies apparently do. We'll see. She had a little milestone today. Before, she could roll onto her back if I rolled her onto her belly "almost" all the way. Now, she can roll from her belly to back all by herself. It's funny to have a baby sit and stand up, leaning against a couch, before she rolls. What a cute little bug. She grabs her feet when she's on her back, and tries to propel herself over, so maybe that will work out for her some day. She is radiant light in my life.

I need to control my temper better with my husband and two oldest kids. I know I have good qualities (Doug reminded me about them last night when I was feeling discouraged) but my flaws are enormous. Honestly, they feel insurmountable. I know my weaknesses can become strengths through God's help, but there's just a lot I need to work on.

So I'm just kind of in a place where I get discouraged easily, and I feel badly when my children act badly. I need increased compassion, and inspiration regarding how to mother well. Any insights, empathy and/or sympathy are welcome:).