My Talk on Unity in Family, With God, With Country

This is a talk I gave in church today. I like talks because they help me know people better. So on your mark, get set... know me better:) Here it is:

Today is the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. 10 years ago, nearly 3,000 people were killed in our country. The September 11 attacks were a series of four coordinated suicide attacks against targets in New York and Washington, D.C. On that morning, 19 terrorists from the Islamist militant group al-Qaeda hijacked four passenger jets. The hijackers intentionally crashed two planes into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City; both towers collapsed within two hours. Hijackers crashed a third plane into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia. When passengers attempted to take control of the fourth plane, United Airlines Flight 93, the terrorists crashed the plane into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. This almost certainly prevented further deaths at the plane's intended target in Washington, D.C.

I've spent hours this week reading the transcripts from Flight 93, and reviewing stories about people who died in the Twin towers. I've reviewed footage from that terrible day, and I've relived the pain and the hurt that I felt then, and that so many Americans felt then and still feel now. We as Americans were united in our sense of loss, and we stood together. All over our country, television sets were on and we wept together. We all hung our American flags, and supported each other. It was a time to call our loved ones--particularly in New York and Washington D.C., but really everywhere-- to make sure everyone was okay. It was a religious time. We couldn't get all the comfort we needed from each other, so we went to God.

9/11 was significant, as it really led Americans to be true to our motto, E pluribus unum: it means we became one out of many.

Today I'm talking about unity in families, with God, and with our country: how we become one out of many.

I'll start by talking about my own family. I'm Tara Bowen, my husband is Doug Bowen, and we have a 4-year-old son named Isaac, a 2-year-old daughter named Lucy, and 3 1/2-month-old daughter named Brooklyn.

I'm from Vienna, Virginia, just south of Washington D.C. I attended two years of college at BYU, and then got my mission call to serve in New York City one month after 9/11. We named our third child Brooklyn because of the loving, special people I knew there on my mission. To us, Brooklyn means "love."

Doug grew up in Idaho Falls, and went to BYU-Idaho before his mission to Sao Paulo Brasil. A few months after returning from his mission, Doug transferred to BYU, and we met in a student ward. He was my home teacher for one month, and then got assigned to someone else. Our first date was on Valentine's Day, and Doug secretly secured married housing for us within a month of that date. He didn't admit it for months afterward.

Doug and I seemed to be from different worlds. I was in love with poetry and writing and Doug was in love with BYU football and basketball. I thought he had an Idaho "accent," and I hadn't listened to so much country music in my life as I did on the CDs about love that Doug made for me. We had the gospel in common, and we had so much fun together. Doug was the nicest person I had ever met in my life, and I knew I'd say yes when he asked me to marry him.

During our first few years of marriage, we butted heads on politics, and I had two memorable arguments with his family members regarding ethnic diversity and affirmative action. I felt like a fish out of water in Utah while we were attending school there, and then I had an epiphany that changed my life. I realized that God loves all of us: he's no respecter of states or persons, and I should love everyone in Utah, just like I'd loved everyone in Virginia and New York City. When I could rightly see people as children of God, life was better. It wasn't even an adjustment to move to Idaho:).

United in our desire to serve and support each other, Doug moved with me to Logan, Utah so I could get my Master's Degree in Literature and Writing, and then I moved with him to West Virginia and then back to Utah so he could get his law degree. His first employment was in Pocatello, so we moved there, and now he works as a prosecutor in Idaho Falls, so we live here. I teach advanced writing for BYU-Idaho, and luckily, my classes are online, so I get to be a stay-at-home mom and keep my toes in academia, serving sweet BYU-I students.

Our kids have presented the biggest test to our unity. We have different philosophies about what to do when our children cry in bed, how much television they should watch, what they should be required to eat at mealtimes, whether or not they should have drinks of water before bedtime, which car seats are the best for every day use vs. travelling...we both have opinions on everything, and we both really care!

But we believe the Savior, who said, "If ye are not one ye are not mine." (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27). We care about peace in our marriage and in our home, and our bottom line is that we love each other, we love our children, and we want to do what's right more than we need to "be" right. So we work hard to understand each other, and to stand united.

We're champions of family activities, of literally being together. We love going to the zoo, going out for ice cream, going to the pool, watching BYU football together with our BYU t-shirts on, and running errands together. We want to hang out together. But we also want our time together to mean something: we want to do what's right. The family proclamation states that, "Happiness in Family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." So we shoot for all of these. We hold weekly family home evenings, do daily family scripture study, and have daily family prayer. Elder Bednar's description of family home evening sounds an awful lot like ours.

He said, "Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as 'He’s touching me!' 'Make him stop looking at me!' 'Mom, he’s breathing my air!' Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent." -Bednar, October 2009

We try to be consistent, and we try to do the right things, and we try to become more and more like Jesus, and to be united with Him.

We can understand what it means to be united with God because we work so hard to be united with family. We all know the difference between feeling in sync, and feeling "far away" from the people we love because we're in an argument, or someone hurt our feelings. We don't want to feel "far away" from God.

I remember a pivotal moment in my life, when I was at a writing camp at the University of Virginia. I was 14 years old. We were in a large group setting, all sharing pieces we had written, and one boy named Jesse had written a dialogue between his parents. In the dialogue, his parents argued and called each other cruel names. So Jesse read his dialogue out loud and began crying as he finished the piece. He went to sit down and a group of his friends rushed to put their arms around him, to support him. I sprinted away from the scene, racing toward the volleyball courts. It was dark outside, and I was alone, so I began praying aloud like I never had before, begging Heavenly Father to let me know that He was real, and that He loved Jesse and would watch over him. Heavenly Father answered my prayer, and I knew He loved Jesse and I also knew he loved me. And I loved Heavenly Father for caring about us. I was doing what Jacob talks about in The Book of Mormon. He said, "...Come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as He cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of day, harden not your hearts" (Jacob 6:5). Cleave, in this instance means "cling." We are invited to cling to God as he clings to us.

We have such a huge opportunity to help the people around us cling to God. Jesus Christ pled to His father on behalf of his disciples, and the people who would believe his disciples. He said, "That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that thou hast sent me" (John 17:21).

It matters that we, as neighbors, and as a nation, are united, that we become one of many. When we are united in service, and encouraging one another, and teaching one another, these Christ-like attributes unite us all with God.

My brother-in-law is in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and so my sister let me know about a special "Music and the Spoken Word" program that will be airing throughout the day today on 750 stations, about 160 of which have never before aired anything by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Tom Brokaw, a well known news anchor for NBC, will be guest narrating the program. This is what Mack Wilberg, the music director of the Tabernacle Choir, had to say about the program: "As much sorrow and grief as came from 9/11, there have also come positives. In this program, we wanted to show how the indomitable American spirit turned a tragedy into a triumph of coming together and caring and serving. The message of this show is that as individuals and as a nation we can find healing and strength in adversity, and literally rise above all the negatives.”

I look forward to watching the program, not only to honor America, and those who lost their lives in the 9/11 tragedy, but also to remember how important it is to rise above the negative things in my own life. I don't always rise above my tragedies, but I do so much better when I can talk to Doug, my best friend, and feel his comfort. We're a team, and I know he is united with me on our eternal quest for happiness. I do so much better when I pray about my hurt, and when I rip myself away from sorrow by serving people around me. Service doesn't make everything bad go away, but love works miracles.

Christ's love, embodied by the atonement, will literally heal us. Christ says, "Be converted, that I may heal you. ...if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, my arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me. Behold, I am Jesus Christ the son of God" (3 Nephi 13-15).

I pray that we can be e pluribus unum, one of many. I pray that we will cling to the right people when we are hurting--that we'll cling to our families, and cling to our brothers and sisters around us, and cling to God. I know He loves us, and that He cares very much about you and me.

(I closed by reading the lyrics to "I'm Trying To Be Like Jesus" and I played the song on the flute. It was a good choice, because Isaac listened so attentively to that part. I loved connecting with him!)