Entitlement

I've wanted to post on this subject for awhile. What do we feel entitled to? (I know I ended that sentence with a prepositional phrase and that was wrong of me, but it's staying that way:).) When I'm honest with myself, I realize that I feel entitled to sleep, food, clothing, shelter, tons of love, friends, and strong family relationships. I feel entitled to the first four because I'm a daughter of God and to the last several because, again, I'm a daughter of God and should have those things. But I also feel some entitlement based on my personality.

My personality, in my opinion, is chiefly based on my upbringing and circumstances. Not solely, however. I don't believe that I would have done exactly what Al Capone did and been just like him if I grew up with his circumstances because I believe in moral agency, the right to decide. (This is one of the few philosophies of "How To Win Friends and Influence People" with which I disagree.) I've just realized I'm not very good at making a great choice with hard circumstances--when life goes against my tacit (and ultimately nonexistent) contract with God regarding entitlement. I don't think I have the inner mettle to react to bad things like Job did. For example:

Regarding SLEEP...

Isaac was a sweet newborn when he was well-rested and well-fed, but he was a terrible sleeper. We were in survival mode for 3 1/2 months, until that blessed day when we implemented sleep-training. When Lucy was born, Doug offered to watch her from 10-12 every night and I said that was great. Now I feel entitled to a nice chunk of sleep somewhere in that time frame, as well as feeling entitled to help with the kids from the second Doug gets home from school. And why do I feel entitled to these things? Not just because Doug loves me, but also, as I have told Doug, because I married him with the understanding that he would be amazing and supportive. Therefore, I'm entitled to everything I want:).

My sense of entitlement can be dangerously selfish and limiting, can't it? We had a lesson on financial planning on Sunday, and the teacher told us to be careful of the "I deserve this sweater/get-away/car, etc." mentality. Although I don't feel like a big spender, I don't even consciously think about whether or not I need or deserve new eyeliner, for example. I just get it.

I want to spend less money/thought/entitlement on myself and look outside my little rosy box of life. I'm capable of more than what I'm contributing to the world.

I've gotten a lot of the fairy-tale of my dreams, and if any of it falls way, I want to be my best self for it.